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Stroke 9 for the Holidaze

by Stroke 9

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1.
Read along at: https://stroke9.com/the-drunkest-little-elf-5a5a1f127507
2.
3.
It’s a 6 am morning on December twenty-five And I’m barely alive Late-night drunk debating We were waiting For the fat man to hurry up and arrive. And the little shits are screaming At my door, they’ve been scheming But they know — It ain’t present time Til daddy says… I SAID! Til’ daddy fucking says so. Insane from the pain in the brain Gotta clear the fog Need a nip Just a little tiny clip Of the hair from last night’s dog. But ho! Say hello! On the bedside table, With the black and white label, Sweet whiskey brown Slam it down And now let’s… Let’s fucking do this thing! Another slug And then the sweater And I’m feeling so much better And my halls are getting decked And now the shampoo effect And now I’m Christmas morning wrecked. And now I’m blacking out Christmas morning blacking out. Under the tree we attack Stacks and stacks Rip the paper undone Cause its your day, And fuckin’ my day! So let’s… Let’s have some fuckin’ fun. And the kids all squeal with joy As we throw Every shitty toy From every aunt we hardly know From the second floor window Into the Soft White Inviting Snow. The last thing I recall Was a perfect snowball Taking flight Morning light At my uptight Asshole neighbor’s head. He said: “Joyous Noel and salutations! Ha-ha Gonna finally finish putting up those Christmas decorations?” What I heard was the bird was stuffed But the stuffing wasn’t nothing you could eat Fucking shit I thought that turkey stuffed with sweater Would have tasted So much better! I told the mom-in-law to cheese it Because the little baby Jesus Was NO WAY born in December They changed the date — I remember. So let’s get pagan! Where’s your sister? Mistletoe, I tried to kiss her Missed her, Hit the floor Rolled it through the guest room door Like a drunken pile of bricks That’s exactly where I woke up On December twenty six.

about

Three of your favorite holiday classics. Perfect for starting family fights or clearing the room!

Includes:
The Drunk Elf Song
That Drummer Boy One
Also, one about an Xmas Blackout

Play, rinse, and repeat!

credits

released December 23, 2018

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Stroke 9 San Francisco

For Most: Little Black Backpack...for some: much more!

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